Can you plz check my English writing?

I'm a student from Korea, who go to school in Canada.


Since I have been in Canada for not a long time, my English is not good enough to write something


can you check if there's a grammar mistake or sentence that that should be fixed ?





%26lt;People who are addicted to computer games have a strong social network online. They enjoy talking with others on games. Some of them even make a girlfriend or boyfriend to chat. In addition, addicted people think it is more comfortable to talk online than in real life because they know others cannot see them, and if they do a bad thing, others are not able to find them.%26gt;





I know I have poor writing skills, so help me guys please T-T


This is just a part of my essay

Can you plz check my English writing?
people who are addicted to computer games TEND TO SOCIALIZE MORE IN SOCIAL NETWORKS. They enjoy talking with others while playing online games. Some of them even have girlfriend or boyfriend through chatting. In addition, people who love online games or chatting think it is more convenient to talk online than talking in person because they don't see each other, so if they did something bad they won't be able to go after them.








I hope this one will help...
Reply:People that are addicted to computer games usually have a strong social network on-line with other gamers. Some of them find a girlfriend or boyfriend to chat with. In addition, these people feel more comfortable conversing on-line than in real life as they know others cannot see them and regardless of what they may say or do within the law, others are not able to locate them.





Where you say addicted people...that doesn't go there as you could be talking about drugs..or anything you don't explain it.


You can't make a girlfriend or boyfriend..they are not cookies or pies.. you meet them..





hope this helps. and Hi there fellow Canadian.
Reply:People who are addicted to computer games have a strong social network online. They enjoy talking with others in games. Some of them even become a girlfriend or boyfriend to chat. In addition, addicted people think it is more comfortable to talk online than in person because they know others cannot see them. Thus, they think that others would not be able to find them if they do anything bad.
Reply:"People who are addicted to computer games have a strong social network online. They enjoy talking with others about the games. Some of them even become girl friends or boy friends during the chats. In addition, addicted people think it is more comfortable to talk online than in real life because they know others can not see them, and if they do a bad thing, others are not able to find them" Your English is pretty sharp-go for it!
Reply:If you're worried about your english, you should not be. You speak very well and have achieved a good skill. You speak very well for a student. I'd only make a tiny little change -





People who are addicted to computer games have a strong social network online. They enjoy talking with others ABOUT games. Some of them even FIND a girlfriend or boyfriend to chat. In addition, addicted people think it is more comfortable to talk online than in real life because they know others cannot see them, and if they do a bad thing, others are not able to find them.





Be careful about the english word :addicted" because that means that someone cannot stop what they are doing - albiet drugs, or some behavior that they can no longer control. If you mean someone that likes to play on-line games a lot, then use the word "fan" - someone that like it a lot but can always stop doing it whenever they want to do so (from the same latin root as the english word "fanatic). Such a person in today's world is called a "gammer."





Also, I'm pretty sure that "online" is still written "on-line" or perhaps a bit yesterday "on line." But then, maybe you young folks have chosen to make it simpler. I'm up for that!





Rich
Reply:People who are addicted to computer games have a strong social network online. They enjoy talking with others about games. Some of them even find a girlfriend or boyfriend while chatting. In addition, addicted people think it is more comfortable to talk online instead of in real life because they know others cannot see them. That way if they do something bad, others are not able to find them.
Reply:Actually, considering your limited background, your English is quite good! Give yourself a break! I would consider making the following changes. I've capitalized the words I've changed so you can find them easily.





They enjoy talking with others ABOUT games. Some of them even FIND a girlfriend or boyfriend to chat WITH. In addition, addicted people think it is more comfortable to talk online than in real life because they know others cannot see them. (notice the period here) ALSO, if they do something bad, others are not able to find them.





The first sentence is great. I don't want to change too much of your original content. YOUR words need to remain the main part of this paragraph. I basically corrected some of the grammar. I'm sure your teacher will take into consideration that English is not your native language! Also, depending on whether you are a high school or college student, your teacher will be a little more lenient (I would think). If you completely reword the paragraph to match something here, your teacher will (presumably) see the difference in writing patterns and wording.





Good luck!