How do i change my severely depressing life circumstances- is it to late- is it over ?

i'm now 3o years old- ive aged physically- im bald, ive had a horrendously traumaqtic life and ive missed out on being employed, having ' any ' relationships basically everything, education, qualifications never happened etc.





1) i have borderline personality disorder and ptsd.





2) i live in a small one bedroom flat, i own no possessions except a computer....i live on sickness welfare.





3) ive lived on my own for 3 years - never been employed - never made any relationships in life with either gender.





4) ive been refered for therapy and have to wait.





5) i have a long mental health past, record %26amp; a minor criminal one going back 8 years.





6) dont have any social support network except a few online friends %26amp; parents who can be domineering at times and who ive not always gotten along with.





7) i have physical worries : frequent urination, aching joints that are weak - cracking in the skin on the head of my penis - waiting to see a dermatologist.





8) i have physical imperfections.

How do i change my severely depressing life circumstances- is it to late- is it over ?
Hi.


Well, if I had to have only one posession, I guess it would definitely be a computer, so that's good news!


Wow. You have goals - lots of them - that's excellent - and their totally realistic too! But pick ONE or TWO for right now (or just part of one) that you will start working on this week, preferably ones that will be the easiest to do right now. For me, I would have one of them be my health. Work with what you have - where you are right now - start slow, but do something small everyday, or at least try to do it everyday. If you miss a day or two, that's okay, just start over when you feel up to it. If you can't DO something positive one day, at least SAY something positive to yourself that day, like, "I'm gonna make it." or "Deep down inside, I know I'm trying my best right now and that's good enough." But really believe it. Here are a couple of examples of things you can start working on: Start eating better - start trying to eat as many RAW fruits and vegetables (preferably vegetables) as you can, start taking vitamins, especially fish oil and / or flax seed oil, start exercising and / or working out. Walk, or find something heavy you can use as a weight to lift - I seen a video on You Tube where the guy did a workout of 23 different exercises with just a sledgehammer! It's called, "Top Personal Trainer Reveals 23 Sledgehammer Exercises". There's also a video out by a guy who shows how you can use simple things around the house to give yourself a workout, I can't think of the name of it right now, but the point I'm trying to make is that if you start using your imagination you'll be able to come up with all sorts of ideas - I'm sure you've heard the saying, "Where There's A Will, There's A Way". And remember, the nutrition and exercise will serve a dual purpose for you: not only will they improve your overall physical health, they will also improve your mental health - that IS a scientific fact. Don't worry about the things you can't change right now - like your teeth, or your baldness - lots of people have have problems with their teeth (like me) and lots of people loose their hair (ask my husband - he'll verify how much hair I've been losing this past year - gobs of it everyday - and I'm a woman! - it's scary, my mother wears a wig and if I have to some day then I guess I'll just have to!). See if you can find out from the internet any therapeutic exercises you can do for the fingers (knuckles) of your right hand and the ankle - maybe some soaking - don't worry about the bent finger. Right now I'm trying to figure out what I can do for my own neck and right shoulder and arm (torn rotator cuff and biceps tendon). I also walk with a limp in my right leg from a blown disk that took the doctors over ten years to diagnose.


Try helping people and watch how much better you're gonna start feeling about yourself. You can't do it everyday, just do it when you can. It doesn't have to be anything big - sometimes, just a "smile" will do the trick! ;-) If you have a hard time connecting with people as I do, practice on the very old and the very young first. They're not as judgemental. As far as finding a mate, take my advice and try not looking for one in the bars or where they serve a lot of alcohol. Go to "decent" outings and just practice being "friendly". Do they have "self-help" groups in your neck of the woods? That's where I've met all my bestest friends who ended up giving me all the love I needed when I needed it. Fix yourself up the best you can, wash, shave, comb your hair, put some clean clothes on that don't have tons of wrinkles or spots. I always try to save a couple outfits (or at least shirts) for when I'm going out so that they don't get all the "normal" stains and wear and tear that my usual clothes have. And PLEASE don't try TOO hard for two reasons: 1) you'll look too "anxious" and 2) it's not going to happen overnight and you'll feel let down at first. It's going to happen when you LEAST EXPECT IT, remember that. Just practice smiling and being friendly to everyone. Save your closest friends - the one's you really trust (online or otherwise) to dump the negative stuff. But remember, you've GOT TO dump the negative stuff regularly to get rid of it, otherwise it will just keep building and building and it will affect your personality when you go out to meet people.


And as far as your "background" - we all have backgrounds - and a lot of us have backgrounds that we're not too happy about. But we also all have futures. And what we do with our "todays" will lay the groundwork for our tomorrows. Focus on having: faith, hope and love and I don't think you can go very far off track. My best to you.


gonetoday@sbcglobal.net


One more thing, don't forget to PRAY - with your requests and with your thankfulness


Oh yea, don't worry about being on welfare right now - be thankful that you have it - just work on the other stuff right now.
Reply:No, it is never too late to change. Hang on in there. You are starting to do things, like explaining how you feel. It takes alot of courage to do that even if it is on line. You are waiting to see a therapist. That's good. At least you will be able to talk to someone face to face. Therapy helps. Loads of people have mental health problems, you are not on your own. Have you thought about study to gain some qualifications. There are loads of courses at local education centres and as you are on benifits, they are free. (I think). Be like the AA take one day at a time and tackle the smaller things. We all have physical impairfections. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Be thankful for what you have even if you think you don't have much. Be patient with your family as people do not understand how to handle mental illness and good luck. You will improve. Believe in yourself
Reply:you can achieve anything. If you can get the money you could do all of this
Reply:No, its never too late, unless of corse you refuse to change it.





Start with the basics, you should get some more computer skills behind you, like going to evening classes at college (which are free to some, maybe yourself). You'll meet new ppl there and make friends, and most of all, have something to add to your CV. Once thats done, you can look for a job. Just look smart, and try to impress the employer.


If you get the job, you'll make more new friends, earn money, and get a step closer to leaving England.





Most ppl see things like this as 'too late' or 'it'll never work' but the fact is 'everything' start with small steps, and the bigger pictures what you make of those steps.





Gd luck with it all!
Reply:To get a good job, you'll have to be educated. You'll also have to have good hygiene. Companies aren't going to hire someone who comes in looking like a slob, smelling like a yob.





As for companionship, maybe you should look into paying for it by the hour, or a mail-order from some desperate country. No girl I know is going to want a ugly, pity-me lout.
Reply:first i would like to say i think your goals are too high right now, lower them abit, instead of wanting to move to a hot country, why not set a goal to join a local club or maybe do some voluntary work for a local charity... it sounds boring but you will make contact with real people, social interaction is important, when you start socializing again this will open new doors.


when you have any type of criminal conviction sometimes this can have an effect on the way you think people perceive you and indeed sometimes you would be right, this is why i have mentioned charity work, it will give you the chance to prove your worth as-well as enabling you to make new friends.


i really think that being brave enough to join a club or doing voluntary work is going to help and i would like to share with you that i too have borderline personality disorder, my partner is a reformed heroin %26amp; alcohol user,he too has been to prison several times for various things, now i am working towards my nvq 3 health and social care but each step has been taken slowly and cauciously.


you can acheive anything but i cant stress enough you need little goals each day!!!!!


we all have imperfections but we all also have a speacial quality.i really hope i have helped, keep your head up.
Reply:Your goals aren't unreasonable - but you'll have to work for them. And I do mean work - you'll have to put in a lot of effort to acheive anything like what you're looking for.





First - to become happier in general, I suggest attending church, doing volunteer work, and talking to people. Make friends outside of the Internet. Depending on where you live, you could probably take evening classes - pottery classes, or language classes, or computer classes - something to get you out of the apartment and away from your computer, having fun. I don't know how education is in England, but if you could find a single low-stress class to take, that might help.





Second, it wouldn't hurt to try to get a job. Newspaper delivery, restaurant work, bus driver, janitor, postman - that sort of thing. Because your goals seem to require a fair amount of money, and you just don't have it. If you don't have the equivalent of a high school diploma, do what you can to get one. Do not ask your parents for handouts; you're thirty, and they helped you for years. Time to try it on your own.





Third, you may have trouble emigrating. Many countries set strict immigration quotas - for example, the U.S. looks for people with college degrees or professional skills. While it's good to have an eventual goal like emigration, you should be aware that you might be better off just moving to a different place within the United Kingdom.





Many of your health problems are annoying but you can deal with them. Take care of yourself to the best of your ability. To cite the old adage, slightly modified: if it hurts to lightly punch a punching bag, then DON'T. If you have aching joints, do stretching exercises; if you urinate frequently, cut your alcoholic beverage or soda pop consumption by one or two cans per day. (Both beer and soda can cause frequent urination.)





Read books, don't just spend time on the computer. These will give you more information and more resources, as well as making you more educated; this will help in job interviews.





As for "is this the end?" That's a silly question. You have no major health issues except mental troubles, which you are aware of. You will probably be able to work around those. You have supportive parents and don't have to worry about starving anytime soon; you have goals to work toward. You've actually got quite a bit.





And then there's the other, not-so-old adage, for when you're depressed: "Think before you make the coward's choice. Old age is not for sissies."
Reply:awwe thats sad if u need someone to talk to my sn for aim is : dasterlyn
Reply:Shut up Dominic, Money can't change situations permanently, only for a short while. Remember that the things never change from the outside, until you change what is in yourself. You need to sit down, and think properly and hard. You need to find out where all this negativity is stemming from, are you going through the same pattern of though constantly, then break it. For me, prayer and meditation have really helped me to fight depression, you need to spend time with your inner self. I suggest some meditation everyday, for about 20-25 mins a day. I guarantee it will help you. If you need to chat, you can email me anytime. Just keep fighting the enemy within yourself, and you will get there. Seek and you shall find!!! Peace xxx
Reply:When you are caught in the web of self pity it is very difficult to break free but most things which are worth doing or having require effort and lots of it. To my mind the most obvious way to break free of your perceived misfortunes is to apply to the volunteer agencies. As soon as you concentrate on helping someone less fortunate than yourself (they do exist!) you will find your troubles are lessened and you achieve a glow of achievement. But beware of offering your help simply to be praised for it as this is not always forthcoming. The benefit to you comes from the knowledge that you have been able to help someone else. It boosts your low self-esteem.
Reply:its never too late
Reply:To change your life, change your way of thinking. Go to the library and check out books by positive thinkers - Norman Vincent Peale, Joel Ostein (spelling...). Be grateful you are young - 30 is young. Be grateful you have a roof over your head, food to eat and a computer. Be grateful your parents are living. With gratitute and focus on the positives you will attract more positive situations to your life. If you focus on the negatives, you will attract more negative situations.
Reply:You have methodically, and carefully, counted and documented all of the so called bad things about you, that surprizingly enough, many people can say they experience the same things...now, to counteract these things, Please, i want to see eight things about yourself that are positive...you spend so much time tearing yourself apart, you are your own worst enemy...And I just betcha, that you can find twice as many things that are good about you...
Reply:No its never too late..there are 80 year olds graduating college 45 year olds with kids starting over and getting remarried....I mean the fact that you have mental "problems" is small most of America and the world does. Do you know how many people have come back from the brink of suicide or drug addiction? a lot. I know you can overcome this. I m gonna tell you as I always do: you have to find your own identity, then you will not have so many of these irrational abandonment fears and subsequent fear of rejection and so on and so forth. There arent really words to cure you, you have to experience this personal growth for yourself.


Its not too late until you are dead
Reply:As for physical flaws, no one should tell you you're worse than anyone for not being as handsome or cleaned-up as they are.





You say you only have a computer.. Do you have basic means to survive? Bathroom, stove, chairs, bed, etc?





You should see the free health clinic nearby. They can assess your physical status. See how much needs to be "fixed" for you to be perfectly healthy!





"8) i have physical imperfections." - Everyone does.


If you're waiting for therapy, that's good. Why are you waiting?





You should consider taking medications for your mental illnesses.





If you've never been employed, try to get as nice clothing as you can, and apply for a job at a place near you that is hiring. Since you've never worked, it may be hard. And you need a few recommendations... So ask your parents to give you one each.





You can't erase the past, so ignore what's happened. No one will disrespect you for having needed help with mental health, and many people have criminal records.





You should go somewhere in your town, like a pool house or a bar, or a club, or a diner. Meet some friends who you think would like to become your "social network".





And your teeth - get the lowest price possible dentures or something you think will work for that situation. You might want to find a dentist who can help you out.





You might want to see a doctor about the knuckle pain. And the crooked finger can probably be fixed.





Flat feet. - Deal with that one. Sorry. But if you have torn part of it, you probably need physical therapy to fix it... if you don't think it's serious, then it will probably pass like nothing.





At a pharmacy you can buy face cream to make your skin softer, smoother and have smaller pores. Try something like Rite Aid.





The lines under your eyes could probably be fixed with a few hours more of sleep for a few days. Don't overdo it though.








The goals you have for yourself aren't exactly realistic, although they are goals of most upcoming adults and anyone struggling in life.





You won't be able to get a nice house unless you get a high paying job. Half the world can't afford houses near the beach. Start with what you say, trying to own your own house :]





You should go to community college and work towards getting a degree or something in computer tech.





Everyone has a soul mate.. it's just a matter of finding her for you! Do you ever go out, and meet women? If not, you should try. Someone will love you for you.





While you're out finding a wife, you can find some friends too! Hope it works well.





You have love. From the few online friends you have. And from your parents. And everyone who answers this question, trying to get your life back for you. Even me. :]





It's never to late to live your life. If you haven't gotten it right yet, keep trying and it'll come to you.





And by the way, people will love you for you. Everyone has flaws, remember that.
Reply:i hope you do acheive all your goals but you must know that it is never too late . you are only 30 and life is just begining you should get out and take all the help you are entitled to probably all free on nhs and then start with your goals. good luck and god bless.

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